Don't Hate Me! (scene 18)

Tara's home. I'm sitting outside of her house in Mum's car. I have to go in because I know they know I am here and are probably wondering what I've been doing this whole time? I'm not sure why I'm just sitting here and not racing in to see Tara? I mean, even in normal circumstances I'd be nervous, but I didn't know what to say to her? Should I even say anything? It wasn't like her and Dean were together, really. Seemed like he'd given up on her to be honest, selfish dick. I see the blind moving from inside the house and unbuckle my belt. I open the car door and get out, walking up the same path I've walked for ten years. Tara's dad opens the door.

'Hi Reilly, Tara's in her room.' He looks so happy at this prospect. 'She'll be thrilled to see you.' I highly doubt it but smile politely and act excited. I walk to her bedroom and find her sitting surrounded by old photographs on her bed.

'Hey you.' I say, lightly tapping at her door. She looks up and for the first time there's recognition there, a new kind, but still anything's better than that empty gaze.

'Hi,' she says enthusiastically.

'Wow that's a lot of photos,' I say joining her on her bed. Tara nods.

'Yeah I know and you're practically in all of them.' I smile and pick up a picture of us together, then another and laugh reminding her of the times in the photos. She laughs with me but it's a hollow kind of laugh.

'Do you remember anything from these?'

'A little.' She shrugs. 'It's like a really familiar feeling almost like de ja vu but I can't quite make the connection or distinction in mind and remember it fully. But it's not a strange feeling, it's almost like a feeling of warmth or coming home.' She blushes. 'Is that silly?'

'No, not at all,' I say rapidly trying to assure her, putting my hand on hers. We're silent for a moment sifting through the images. My eyes fall onto the one she picks up - it's one of me, Dean, Tara and Damien.'

'He's pretty dreamy I guess.'

'Dean?' I say, she nods.

'He came by the other day.' My heart panics.

'Who Dean?'

'No, him, Damien.' I'm hugging him in the photo; She looks at me awkwardly. 'Mostly he talks about you. I get the feeling he still wants to be with you.' I nod.

'What about Dean? Does he come around much?'

'He did at first, but I haven't seen him lately. This whole thing's got to be weird for him right?'

'It's weird for everybody.'

'Some things have come back since returning home: memories from childhood. I'm sure more things will come back to me in time.I just don't know how patient people can be? Dean, I mean. I got my dad to tell him I thought it best for him to just get on with his life, you know. I just didn't feel like telling him myself when I have no recollection of him and me being together? Feels like I'm telling a lie? And I don't have any feelings towards him.'

I don't say anything. What's the point. She doesn't remember. She doesn't feel anything for him. Sadness swells in my chest for Tara. Dean's a jerk all on his own. I don't need to tell her that, I guess she kind of knows that in her own way.

#Bestfriendsboyfriend #Memoryloss #Rebuildingalife #Remembering #Freindship #Secrets